I have never been so excited to have cramps and bloating. Funny how before children, those monthly "visits" were a curse and now, well... they spell relief.
I am just not ready for any surprises at the moment. I have my hands full already with my little darlings.
I have however, been getting the baby craving lately. But until I regain what little sanity I had before Sydney, that craving is going to be pushed deep down into the recesses of my subconscious.
This past week has been hard. And let the hate mail begin, but really, I don't LOVE being a stay at home mom. Yes I LOVE my kids, I LOVE being there for all their firsts and all there funny little moments. I LOVE that I am able to care for them the way no one else could BUT...
I don't love laundry, or vacuuming, or dishes or the monotony of day to day chores that never end. I don't love how my brain turns to mush because I can't have a conversation that doesn't revolve around Thomas the Train or fruit snacks. I don't love that it is so hard for me to find some sort of identity that isn't linked to the needs of others.
The problem is, I still love the same things and dream a lot of the same dreams, but I have had to sacrifice most of me for this job - the hardest one I have ever or will ever have I might add.
I have a relative who is single, and wants to be married so badly (she is only 29). Every time a relationship doesn't work out, it is like the end all and she goes on about how she will never find "the one" or how horrible life is.
Sometimes I just want to shake her (mind you I love her to death but I still want to shake her), and help her to see that she needs to enjoy the world traveling, the job, the friends, the free time and freedom to do whatever whenever because it is all so limited and over before you know it.
It seems that we are all walking around saying "if only I had this, I would be happy", or, "if only I was at this point in my life, I would be content". Life will always have challenges, no matter where we are or what we have. We will always face problems and heartache, but amidst that, we will experience wonder, and pure joy. To make the most of this short time here, we need to embrace every emotion and move forward and learn and grow.
Now, if only I could listen to my own harping.
How self righteous of me...