Gingerly Lizzy

Suffocation of the worst kind.
2002-01-03 - 12:27 p.m.

Well, well...

I am such a grouch this morning. Could compare to Oscar... and don't think I am kidding.

I woke up late, didn't hear the alarm... or did I?

That means no morning snuggles with David; I need those to keep me sane.

After last night which I spent feeling sorry for myself. Why? Because before I left work yesterday, the Administrator who's place I took (and who Dave and I have become friends with) came in for a visit.

Her name is Rashelle. Rashelle is in school, majoring in Dance Education. She doesn't work because her husband has graduated and is making enough money to support them and put her through school.

I am so jealous. I want to be a dance education major. I want to not have to work and just concentrate on school. I want to GO back to school... so badly. I want a new house. I want, I want, I want.

Instead, I am working in an office,to put my husband through school, day in, day out. This is not the kind of career that I would choose. Not at all. Great co., great co-workers but I am a creative person. Not a paperwork person.

So I am feeling very- oh what is the word- useless. I am not reaching for my goals, accomplishing very little and it is really starting to get to me. I need an outlet... BADLY.

And the worst part is, I hate myself for complaining so much. I mean, compared to some, my life is that of royalty and should I really be complaining when I have wonderful family, friends, a husband who treats me like gold, my health, adequate food, shelter and a great wardrobe?

Nope, probably not. But that doesn't stop me from being moody.

*self loathing moment*

I think I need to take up sketching or painting again. I need to take a dance class or two, write in my journal, serve others more...

and start stepping up on the dirt that is being thrown into my well instead of letting it bury me.

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