Gingerly Lizzy

Confusious say...
2002-05-15 - 4:55 p.m.

I know it is my second entry today but I just had to write something. C* is getting married. This is the C* who I thought I would marry, who stomped on my heart with his golf cleats. I could care less really but as I look at their engagement picture, I can't help but compare myself with the girl in it... what did she have that I didn't? Bad way of thinking I know. She is skinnier than I am, I don't think she is prettier though... maybe the same... I don't know. Really weird.

Work has been busier, which has been good and I have used my lunch hour to pound out my stress at the gym every day this week. I can't wait till it actually helps with my stress. When I was on the treadmill, I couldn't stop thinking about C* and this new development. It made me run faster, harder and I realize how much anger I still have pent up about being treated that way. It definitely isn't "feelings" that are left, but anger, and the feeling that I should have been enough but wasn't. I completely know that Dave was meant for me, that we were meant for each other. I am happy that things didn't work out with him and I because if they would have, I don't think I would have been half as happy and in love as I am now.

but still...

I guess I just wanted him to suffer alone longer... I wanted to run into him one day with Dave on my arm and think "oh, your still alone?" And have him know I was thinking that.

But I guess it will never be. I do think that Dave and I are definitely a more striking couple... that should give us points if the run-in ever occurs.

Life is so weird sometimes.

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