Gingerly Lizzy

Until the day, I will try...
2002-09-05 - 9:27 a.m.

I don't know what to write today. I am feeling lots of different emotions, some good, some bad.

I am glad that I only have to work half a day tommorrow, I am ready for the weekend already!

I have been talking to someone about a past relationship that left me with quite a few emotionals scars.

To make a long story short, he said he loved me, he told me I was the one, among other things...

AND then he dumped me... three days before Christmas which he was supposed to spend part of with me and my family. He came anyway, acted like nothing had happened (meaning that he acted like we had never been anything but friends... not even GOOD friends) and he left without a word of what had happened and didn't call me for a week.

I later found out that he had been trying to get back together with his ex-girlfriend for the latter part of our relationship.

I was unbelievably devasted to say the LEAST. It left me broken, crying for months and never trusting those three little words that SHOULD bring so much happiness... "I love you". To this day, I still have issues trusting what people say to me. HE SEEMED so perfect, so honest, so upright and I am sure in many ways he was... but not in the way he should have been with me.

You would think that he should have taken care of my heart... but instead he stomped and crushed it under his designer golf spikes... and left me reeling, with little self confidence left.

I would have at least liked him to say: "I am sorry that I hurt you. I shouldn't have done that, and this and I am sorry that you are hurting, it hurts me to see you hurting" but all I got was one lousy email after I chewed him out, not even a phone call... not one.

And to this DAY, I am still very bitter towards him. Which is funny, because I am not usually the kind of person to hold on to grudges, ask anyone who knows me, I very easily forgive and forget.

Perhaps it is harder for me this time because I feel as though he went on thinking he was Mr. Perfect even though what he did to me was VERY, VERY wrong. And I didn't get an "I am Sorry"...

So much for "I love you".

Now I am so glad that things didn't last, I still would have preferred that they had ended a little more considerately, with a little more closure because in all honesty, the only thing I learned from the experience was not to trust men when they say "I love you"...

I know the lesson that I am needing to learn is complete forgiveness and it is something that I am still attempting to learn... and it will probably take a little while yet.

Dave has helped me tremendously with trust issues... I still have a long way to go.

Until then, I will keep searching for that understanding and perhaps, can help other people going through the same thing...

As an example that you WILL find love again and that you CAN trust someone when they say those three very precious words...

I love you.


< Sisters | Love in a Big City >