Gingerly Lizzy

2003-05-07 - 10:11 a.m.

What I would like to do: Check into an expensive hotel room with the softest bed in the world and just sleep for 12 hours, then wake up, and order roomservice for breakfast, and watch tv or read until I fall asleep again.

I wonder if a softer bed would have any effect on the hip aches that are getting worse and worse each night. I don't understand it, I mean, it isn't just the hip I am lying on but BOTH, and it is so painful, forget about sleep. Last night I just sat up and cried after about six hours of TRYING to sleep and having to get up because of the pain. Dave felt so bad for me, he woke up and rubbed them a little bit... it helped to know that he cared and was concerned but unfortunately didn't help with the pain much.

I really, really, desperately need to get some sleep. I think at this point, I am the crankiest woman on the earth.

Not to mention, I think this baby is running out of room. My tummy constantly has angles, and the tiniest bit of searching and you can always find a back, bum or leg sticking out somewhere, in fact, most of the time you can SEE it. And he seems to be taking up more room higher up, closer to my ribcage, making it almost impossible for me to hunch over my desk and take those naps I so desperately need.


I didn't think I would be worried, but as this protrusion grows, and I can start to feel for myself how big he is, I am getting more than a little worried.

And OH MY GOSH, they say you do most of the rapid growing in these last weeks and I stil have 6.5 more to go.

*whimpers, and bites on quivering bottom lip*

So I decided that those of you who left comments in my guestbook advising me to prepare now were right. Even though this might mean some bigtime boredom if I go to my due date, those last three weeks before that I have off work.

Last night, I took out all of the crib sheets and baby blankets and washed and folded them all. I handwashed his going home outfit. Tonight, I do the layette, and will prepare the diaper bag for the hospital.

You know, in a way, I have been scared to do all these little last minute preparations - JUST IN CASE. Something went wrong. I feel like I am counting my chickens before they hatch...

There was a lady on the pregnancy board I belong to, who just lost her baby... at 33 weeks along. I can't imagine coming that close, until you can almost taste it, you know his little wiggling personality and then one day, his little heart isn't beating anymore.

And she still had to go through the labor and delivery process, only to hold a still angel in her arms for an hour to say goodbye.

So it scares me to do all these things, to get hopes up too high, to get too confident, because you never know, I guess I am the type of person who likes to prepare for the worst before they dare to give themselves completely over to hope and expectation.

Wow, I am just being a big old depressant aren't I!

I am really not depressed, just really, really tired.

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