Oh my gosh. I can't believe that tomorrow is the last day of May, and then my big month. This is all becoming real.
Last night as I was sitting on the couch looking at the playard, a sort of vision came to me of holding and taking care of our little guy, and what it would be like... And suddenly I realized that this is really happening. That in three weeks (hopefully) I will be holding him in my arms, looking at one of my greatest accomplishments in life (one of many hopefully!), something that Dave and I created out of love for each other, a great gift from God full of hope, promises, and above all love.
And in a way, I feel so ready, and in another way - how can you be ready for something this huge? Something that will completely change you forever, a dream that I have always dreamt but which always seemed so far away in the distant future...
Too much to grasp, but last night, I sort of did. And wow, for a minute, it took my breath completely away.
I crawled into my comfortable bed in my dark room and tried to wrap my brain around it for awhile. But I just couldn't. It is too big.
And I drifted off to sleep.
Then Dave came home an hour later and woke me up, and I couldn't get back to sleep for how much my mind was racing.
But believe it or not, sleep was the LAST thing on my mind last night. And I know this child will probably be the first thing on my mind and continually on my mind, for years and years to come. But I just don't see how anyone could ever want it any other way.
I feel so lucky. So blessed.