Gingerly Lizzy

So Tired
2003-07-15 - 6:35 p.m.

I have had so little free time lately, that diaryland has become the last thing on my mind these days. Just trying to keep up with the housework and my sleep on whatever precious nap time Blake takes seems impossible.

The scanner is STILL not working, which has really been frustrating because I have some adorable pictures I am just dying to scan and get up here.

Wow has life ever changed. I can't remember what it was like to have a full night of uninterrupted sleep, unlimited time to get ready, and what it was like to just head out of the door without half an hour of preparation.

But it is all so worth it. Sometimes at night when I put Blake down into his crib, I just stare at him and can't believe that he is here, that he is mine, and how much I love him.

Dave and I finally seem to be adjusting our marriage to parenthood. It sure takes a toll when all the time you once spent on each other is now spent on baby care. Finding that balance has been somewhat challenging but we finally seem to be getting into some kind of groove.

Blake was a month old yesterday. I can't believe a month has already gone by since that miraculous day! Looking at pictures of when he was first born, it is amazing to see how much he has changed in such a short time. He is becoming much more alert, has more awake time during the day, and also seems to be developing preferences.

Feeding has still been a challenge. I alternate between pumping bottles and nursing, and usually have to give him a supplemental bottle of formula at least once a day. I won't go into details, but he seems to be quite picky about his feeding and there never seems to be any pattern to it. I think the formula has been pushing him more towards nursing though, because I feel like he is starting to associate bottle with formula and he doesn't like the taste as much and seems to want to nurse shortly afterwards. I know I planned on nursing for a year, but now I am not quite sure if that will happen. I have just been having to many problems - nothing that any league or book or advice can help, and it feels like feeding is taking all of my time. For my sanity's sake and so that we don't end up living in a pigstye, I think I will have to wean him after a few months or so. Hopefully though, things will turn around and get better. I will at least try to keep up by pumping so he can still get all those health benefits.

You can probably all see how drastically my life has changed by my diary. It is like one day BOOM, I go from being pregnant Liz, to Mom and don't write about too much more than baby related topics.

On the weight loss front, I know I have lost a considerable amount but I am still so far from where I want to be. It is really a struggle for me because I know that I need to eat to keep up my milk supply, but on the other hand, I am so busy and also so tired of this extra weight that the combination really motivates me to "forget" about eating - besides what little I need to keep the hunger pains away. I feel like I am forcing myself to eat something, something that I have definitely never had to struggle with before!

My 24th birthday is tommorrow. I don't know what Dave has planned. He isn't much of the type for big surprises so we will probably go to dinner and then who knows. Money is a little tight (although I did get a nice big fat bonus from my company - a nice last surprise!), so I don't think it will be too extravagant, I don't need expensive though - creative would be nice however!

My mom left this past Sat. I miss her tons already and get lonely sometimes, with just me and Blake when Dave is at work. I think it would be fun to get some of my "mommy" friends together to have some day outings or just all hang out.

I am trying to catch up on my paper journaling, which is no easy task since I haven't written much since Blake't birth and that is kind of a life changing event with lots of news to go with it!

I know this is just bits and pieces. I feel like these entries are so boring and random lately.

I better run and check on my little guy...

Ta ta for now.


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