Gingerly Lizzy

Ninja Sleeper
2002-09-12 - 9:17 a.m.

You know, sleeping with Dave is like sleeping with some crazy, kamikaze warrior. You never know what hit you.

I have been poked, elbowed, crushed, rolled on, de-covered and smushed.

Once while I was just falling asleep, on my right side the way I always fall asleep, my back to Dave, I got punched in the lower back. He was dreaming of a fight and punched ME in the lower back. Hard enough to startle and wake me up, not hard enough to hurt for very long or bruise.

But still... And when I woke him up to tell him, he didn't remember a lick of it. We both get a good laugh out of it now.

The night before last, Dave poked me in the EYE in his sleep. I woke up to a swift jab in the eyeball and a finger poised over my sore eye, ready to strike again, I yelped and then yelled at him while my eye smarted terribly... he then woke up and had a hard time believing me, but hey, I had the eye gushing like niagara falls to prove it.

I think maybe he does it on purpose. He waits till I am almost asleep to extract his revenge for all of the nagging I do, the moodiness I exude, my tempers...

No, just kidding, he is asleep and dreaming faster than you can say "boo" every night.

It is still scary though, I never know from night to night what form of abuse I will be subjected to!

Oh, and lets not forget all of the heartattacks he gives me when he jumps out of bed suddenly and proclaims "the basket tipped over". I am a light sleeper so I am just assuming that some robber has had the audacity to sneak into our bedroom and slap David in the face or something... that is the only thing that I can imagine that would drive him from the bed and send him hurling across the room all in one swift movement, all while scaring the daylights out of me.

It is the most UNERVING THING. Try to get back to sleep with your heart racing 3000 beats per minute!

I know I am not always a perfect sleeper. Occasionally I scream bloody murder for no reason, I even headbutted Dave in the mouth once; I was half asleep and wanted to sleep in the crook of his arm... guess I layed down a little too fast and hard).

But still, have you ever been poked in the eye while you slept? I always thought that throwing ice cold water on someone would be the worst way to wake them up... but I was wrong, eye poking is much, much worse.


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