Sometimes before I fall asleep, I like to think about the past. It is one of my favorite things to do, lying there, trying to conjure up images, the way that I felt, the smells, sounds, sights...
Last night I drifted back to W.C.C.A. The arts school I attended. Specifically back to the drama night where I performed "The first Kiss" and a scene from Silence of the Lambs.
I remembered "The First Kiss" because this was the first time that I was specifically aware that I had a knack for performing comedy.
I remembered the audience's strong laughter, and how good it felt. I remembered how at the last part of the scene, there was one lady in the audience sitting in the first row, laughing so hard that there were tears streaming down her cheeks... and Steve and I were trying not to react to her hilarious "gufaww" type laughter.
That was an awesome moment in my life. To make people laugh like that was one of the most amazing feelings I have ever had. I can totally understand how good comedians love their jobs. How they feed off of the laughter in the audience and if it is not there, they simply wither and die.
It was also a fun scene because I had a HUGE crush on Steve at the time. And despite the fact that he had a girlfriend, I think he may have had a little crush on me. And we got to kiss... it may have been just a little peck but at the time, that was pretty dang fun for me!
W.C.C.A. was a few of the best years of my life. Ballet, Drama, Vocal... those were the things that lit the fire in my eyes and kept my imagination working.
I need to find a way to get back to that.
It just seems so impossible... I have made a commitment to bigger things... marriage, family, things that in the end, I know will bring me much more happiness and feeling of fulfillment.
It still seems so hard to put these dreams aside.
At least I still have my memories. And as long as they are clear and close, I can go back to them anytime and for this I am so thankful.
...
The weekend was good. Dave and I drove up to Logan to spend it with Matt and Jamie. It was filled with fourwheeling in the mountains (where we came a across a party sight with more beer cans than I have ever seen in my life). We ate at a little local dive that was great but gave us all the most horrible case of the runs... We watched Shanghi Noon which meant I pretty much laughed at Dave's giddy laughter the entire time. We slept on the most uncomfortable air mattress in the world. We jumped on a trampoline that Dave practically bounced me off of (I am such a scaredy-cat!). Best of all, we got to spend some quality time with friends we miss terribly.
I am still cleaning dust out of my ears from the four wheeling.