Gingerly Lizzy

2002-08-28 - 9:04 a.m.

Well, this is MY diary after all, so I think I am going to write about some things that I wasn't going to write about. I need to vent... badly.

So, Michelle, Melissa, Alyssa, any friends from back home, any friends here who actually read this... this is a BIG secret (which some of you already know) so PLEASE don't tell anyone this buuuuut....

I want a baby. I have been off birth control for the past two months.

Phew. There I said it.

And I am extremely impatient. Everyone is saying "well don't think about it so much because then you will be stressed and that will totally prevent it from happening" which is all fine and easy for them to say but HELLO???

I am not looking for a new sweater here... this is a child we are talking about. How can I NOT think about it, no I am not obsessing or anything and people also like to tell me "don't worry" and "everything will be fine" but you know what? That just might not be true.

I mean, I DID have MAJOR surgery on both of my ovaries and that could very well have caused problems. So we just hope and pray... hope and pray. But please, don't tell me, "everything will be fine" because it might not, and I have to be prepared for that.

And it is IMPOSSIBLE on days like yesterday, not to get disappointed when my montly visitor comes even though I was hoping it wouldn't. And comes with a vengeance too...

I want to be a mother so badly! I think I always have. Much of my childhood was spent playing with baby dolls, and I know I will be a wonderful mommy... I was a darn good nanny and those weren't even my kids. And I raised six of them for a year, and know babies like the back of my hand... One would be a piece of cake. Plus, I have always thought that pregnant women are among some of the most beautiful of all.


*deep breath* okay, now that I got that out of my system, I will humbly wait for my little blessing to come, and if it doesn't, and if it can't, then I will get a PHD in something, and then I will adopt as many little babies of every culture as is humanly possible. Of course starting one at a time.

You have to laugh of the irony though... one friend just being married a month and a half and definitely taking measures to prevent it... pregnant. Another on birth control, married just a month before Dave and I... pregnant.

And here is me saying "gimme, gimme, gimme" and of course... not pregnant.

I know, it has only been two months. But it is impossible not to hope and impossible not to wonder, so please... don't ask me not to.

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